Monday, January 12, 2009

Amateur Astromen

One rainy January evening a few good men set out to accomplish something big. They didn't know what that would be at the time but it all started with a visit to the wonderful world of Wal-Mart...

It was here in the Toys section, amongst the deluge of Power Rangers action figures and WWF wrestling belts, that young Bradley discovered a lone model rocket.

Confused by the gleaming lights bursting forth from the flying phallus-like object, dubbed the Astrobeam, young Bradley summoned forth cohort Kyle to survey the find.

Aryan accomplice Kyle looked upon the glittering spectacle with excitement and said "It is good....and on clearance. Let us purchase this rocket box and all the accessories that dwell within the rocket box."

Next we searched for the most desolate, creepy, ceiling-devoid location we could think of. Discovering that the community park was filled with area homosexuals engaged in illicit coital affairs, we were forced to choose a different destination... abandoned cemetery in the middle of the woods! Don't tell any Wicca idiots about this place or Ill go Slobodan Milošević on your stupid ass.

After assembling the abominable mess found within the bottom of the rocket box, Kyle slowly guided his masterpiece down the long, hard metal rod. Good thing we didn't do this in the park.

Here Brad can be seen hooking up the wires from the control unit to the metal spark things that go inside the rocket that ignite the starter unit that resides inside the base above the plug thingie that....uh never mind I don't understand how it works, but I do know that 4 AA batteries are an absolute necessity for proper operation. We just happened to find 4 AA batteries in some kind of wing-less rocket at the park before coming to the cemetery. What luck!

After all of that hard work, everything was finally ready to go. Now all that was left to do was to push the launch button and see what happened.



The rocket safely landed in the fair arms of a woodland tree. The team then decided to launch yon rocket once more into the cemetery sky. The second launch went off without a hitch, but by random chance the rocket came down on Brad's car with great velocity. The car just suffered a few scratches on the roof, so it was totally worth it.

The third launch went fine as well, and the rocket landed on the nearby ground where it was easily recovered. With strong feelings of nationalistic pride and personal satisfaction, the boys posed for a commemorative photograph.

Disclaimer: No grave robbing, corpse mutilation, or necrophiliac acts occurred during the occupation of the woodland cemetery. No astronauts or late night park visitors were harmed in the making of this photo series.

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