Monday, January 26, 2009

Mama's Family Fan Fiction Volume 3

I bet you didn't see this coming did you? I bet you're thinking "this guy is an idiot, who gives a crap about Mama and her Family"! Well I for one think that's the problem with America today; the family has been forgotten and so has Mama! By writing this fan fiction I am taking a stand for families, old people music, and TBS! Long live Mama, and long live her family!

Mama’s Family Fan Fiction Volume 3: Harper Family Fragfest!

Naomi’s body layed on the couch, surrounded by the rest of the Harper family (and Iola). They were all staring at what had come out of Naomi’s uterus, a Teenager from Mars! At that moment a loud knocking came from the front door. Vinton ran to answer it, however his eyes stayed focused on the strange thing that had just came out of Naomi’s slutty body. Vinton reached for the door knob, then suddenly a hand burst through and grabbed him. The hand banged him against the door violently. All the other Harpers and Iola started to scream, but not Mama. Mama never runs, even when you throw her from a train. Mama jumped up and grabbed her broom. She charged toward the door with the speed of a very quick animal. She pulled the broom back and launched it forward through the door, into the chest of the Vinton shaking intruder. “Ahhh!” screamed a frightened Vinton. “It’s okay, Mama’s here now,” said Mama.

The two of them backed away from the door and looked once again at the strange thing that Naomi gave birth to. There stood the Teenager from Mars, standing like a stone wall. He wasn’t saying anything or moving. Iola thought it was dead and started telling Naomi she had a stillborn baby because she’s a tramp, and tramps don’t deserve to have children, but if they did have children they would have diseases, or be born dead, just like Naomi’s baby. At that moment the strange man that had grabbed Vinton burst through the door. All the Harpers and Iola (but not the stillborn sin baby) were shocked. The intruder was none other than Vinton himself. “Two Vintons!” clarified Bubba. “Oh dear Lord, there’s enough noises coming from that basement with just one of them,” said Mama. The audience laughed, and then the Vinton who didn’t bust through the door stood up and asked, “Which one is the real me? I’m confused!” Suddenly hot steam began to rise off the body of the Teenager from Mars. The slime evaporated off the teenager’s body quite quickly and his eyes opened. The teenager quickly reached for his pocket and pulled out a pair of glasses and put them on. “I know who you are,” said Bubba, “You’re Joey Ramone!” Joey Ramone made a noise that somewhat resembled speech. Joey leapt forward towards the intruding Vinton. Joey made a loud grunt and busted his head right through the chest of Vinton. Sparks flew everywhere as the real Vinton hid in a corner and Mama started worrying about the furniture getting burnt. Bubba shouted, “It’s a robot! That Vinton’s a robot……from MARS!!!!!!!!” Then Joey Ramone made a noise that sounded like it was meant to clarify Bubba’s discovery.

Joey Ramone picked up the robot body of Vinton and threw it onto the lawn. He then crushed it using a nearby child. “What’s going on?” asked Mama. “I think Joey knows what's goin' on,” said Bubba. Joey Ramone came walking up the steps of the front porch and came back into the Harper house. Bubba handed him a notepad and a pen. Joey grunted and began to write a message on the notepad. A few minutes later he handed it back to Bubba. “What does it say Bubba? What’s it say?” asked Iola. “Pierre Bouvier is a no talent bastard,” said Bubba. Joey Ramone motioned for Bubba to flip the page. Bubba flipped the page and began to read, “I have come back to Earth again from Mars in order to help you fight off an invasion. In the future, on Mars, men and lesbian robot women lived in peace for many years. Then one day an evil scientist created an army of robots that looked like prominent members of our society. These robots killed their real-life counterparts and the scientist quickly took control of Mars. I was sent here to stop this world from being taken over by the same plan. The evil scientist seeks to take control of your world and he means to do it by first taking over your house. He has made a robotic counterpart for each of you, even Mama! Fight with me to save your world, and when we succeed I’ll play a rockin’ show the likes of which can only currently be seen on our DVDs sold for $19.99 at your local Hot Topic store.” “I for one stand with Joey,” said Bubba. All the Harpers (and Iola) agreed to team up with Joey to fight the robots.

The robots will probably try to seek us out at our places of work or homes,” said Bubba. “Mother!” screamed Iola. Iola ran out the door and headed toward her house. The Harpers followed. Mama and Joey followed Iola into her house. However Naomi, Vinton, and Bubba got cut off by an unexpected guest, Robot Bubba! “I’ve got a plan shouted Vinton, you keep him busy Bubba, me and Naomi are gonna kill him.” “Okay,” said Bubba. Bubba and robot Bubba began to wrestle as Naomi and Vinton headed back behind the Harper house. Back inside Iola’s house, a startling discovery is about to be made. Iola ran into her mother’s bedroom. “Oh mother I’m so glad you’re okay!” said Iola. “Well of course I’m okay, you’ve been taking good care of me all day,” said Iola’s mother. “What?” questioned Iola. Joey, Iola, and Mama turned around and staring at them was robot Iola! Iola’s mother screamed. “You, you awful robot impostor, I’m gonna put you out of the picture!” shouted Iola. Iola reached for her purse and pulled out a small handgun. Joey Ramone did a sweep kick and knocked robot Iola off her feet. Joey grabbed the cold robot and held it down. “KILL IT!!!” yelled Mama (Harper Mama, not Iola’s Mama). Iola approached the robot, pointing her illegally purchased gun towards its head. “No!” screamed Iola’s mother.

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