Thursday, January 22, 2009

Mama’s Family Fan Fiction Chapter 2 - The Slut, She Births

Welcome to the second installment of my glorious Mama's Family Fan Fiction. This is an entirely original work that I put a lot of effort into. There are some very important messages about family, sluts, and teenagers from mars in these stories so I encourage everyone to read them. If you haven't read the first chapter yet, then please read it first before continuing on.

Mama’s Family Fan Fiction Chapter 2: The Slut, She Births

After the commercials Thelma started acting like she needed to go to the basement. “I need to go to the basement and get the laundry” said Thelma. “No mama, it’s dark down there I don’t want you to get hurt,” said Vinton. “It’s okay honey I can see fine,” said Mama. “No mama you really shouldn’t go down there to get that laundry!” shouted Vinton. “Well why not? You sure as hell aren’t going to and nobody else in this damn house will either, so I’ve gotta do it Vinton, ol’ Mama has got to do it!” exclaimed Mama. “Naomi and I make love on the washing machine!” shouted Vinton. Bubba freaks out and starts wiping his hands on his pants and this one really annoying guy in the audience that laughs a whole lot louder than everyone else in the audience let out an extremely annoying laugh. “Ugghhh, if you ever mention anything about your sexual life again I will knock you upside the head with that bloody baseball bat that…Bubba’s holding in his hand!” shouted Mama. Thelma approaches Bubba. Bubba panics and starts looking around the room, eventually his eyes glance down the staircase, and Thelma’s eyes soon follow. “Oh my word!” said Thelma. “What have you done?”

“Now Mama, we thought she was an alien that was gonna attack Bubba,” said Vinton. “Yeah it’s true we heard old man Esau down at Food Circus talking about an Alien Apocalypse. He said that teenagers from mars are coming to invade Raytown,” said Bubba. “Teenagers from Mars??? Sounds like one of those crazy bands Bubba listens to that wear black tights and whip people” said Mama. “I’m serious Aunt Thelma, Esau said the Teenagers from Mars are coming to suck everyone’s brains out,” stated Bubba. “Well I don’t know why you two idiots are so worried, you don’t have any brains left to suck out,” replied Thelma. “Mama now you better listen or you’re gonna wake up one night with somebody sucking on your head,” said Vinton. “Well I handle the face sucking that goes on in the basement every night between you and that tramp, so I imagine I sure as hell can handle some pimply faced moron from mars trying to stick a straw into my ear,” said Thelma. “The only aliens coming to Raytown are the ones that come in van-loads and they wear sombreros!” said Thelma.

“Aliens…in Raytown??? That’ll be the day. Momma gets scared enough just from that Spock character on TV, she sure as goodness doesn’t need a star war going on in her own backyard!” said a voice from the basement. Everyone shouted “Iola?!?!” “Iola is that you?” asked Vinton. “Yeah it’s me,” said Iola from the basement. Iola staggered up the stairs. “I think I’m gonna be alright, just a little bruise on the noggin; nothin’ a good helping of green tea won’t fix up,” replied Iola. “Well it’s good just to know you’re alright after what these bubbling idiots did to you,” said Thelma. “Ohhhh!” moaned a woman from outside the house. “Vinton I think you’re whore of a wife is calling you” said Thelma. “Vinton open the door, I think I’m having the baby now!” cried Naomi. “What right now??? We’ve got to get to the hospital!” shouted Vinton as he opened the door. Bubba and Vinton helped Naomi into the door. “There’s no time just get me to the couch,” said Naomi. Vinton and Bubba escorted Naomi onto the couch in the den. “I’ll get some towels and the rubbing alcohol!” shouted Iola as she ran to the bathroom. Everyone in the audience gasped and made other related panicky noises as the screen faded to black for another damned commercial.

After that diabetes commercial with Wilferd Brimmley the show came back on and it appeared that several minutes had past. “It hurts Vint, I think the baby can’t get out; it feels like he’s still in my stomach!” shouted Naomi. Iola started running around talking about how her mother ate something nasty one time and made her feel like she was going to have a baby, but she really wasn’t because the nasty food just gave her rancid gas. “I think it’s coming out my stomach, oh no!” screamed Naomi. Then Bubba says something encouraging like “Hang in there Naomi!” A green, ovular object started pushing out of Naomi’s belly. Vinton grabbed Naomi’s hand and said “It look like a Leprechaun to me!!!” The green object began to push outward, rising several feet above the stomach of Vinton’s slutbag wife. “That’s no leprechaun,” muttered Iola, “it’s a…” “Teenager from Mars!” shouted everyone. Then the frame froze and the words “To Be Continued” appeared on screen and it was written in that old fashioned type like they use on the opening credits of the show. Some of the audience gasped, but most were too busy looking at a slime covered Joey Ramone coming up out of Naomi’s belly to read the reaction cue cards.

To Be Continued...

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