Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Diary of Harold the Homeless: Excerpt 24

9:00 AM – Woke up to sound of a crying hooker
9:30 AM – Spent 30 minutes consoling hooker and got to give her a screaming indian for half price as thanks.
10:15 AM – Fell asleep on hooker
11:00 AM - Woke up again
11:15 AM - Showered in park water fountain to get hooker stink off
11:30 AM – Went to the dumpster behind the abortion clinic to look for aborted fetuses
12:30 PM – Sold 4 aborted fetuses to Gourmet Chinese restaurant
1:30 PM – Used money to buy Chinese food for lunch (not from same restaurant)
2:00 PM – Took a dump in McDonald's Play Place ballpit
2:03 PM – Forced to vacate Play Place premises
2:30 PM - Went to park and ogled clean, decent women that find me repulsive
3:00 PM - Contemplate ending life
3:05 PM - Decide to piss on face of fellow homeless man instead while he sleeps
3:06 PM - Got in bumfight with homeless man that I pissed on
3:10 PM - Escaped from fight with most fake teeth still intact
3:30 PM – Loafed in abandoned industrial park on outside of city
4:30 PM – Found warehouse with a pit full of dead hookers, took a picture of it to put on my MySpace
5:30 PM - Uploaded picture to MySpace on public computer at local library
6:00 PM - Met older woman with poor eyesight in library that wanted to take me sexually
6:15 PM - Promised to take blind woman back to my box
6:45 PM – Took lady into back alley and shank her instead, obtained $30 and walking stick
6:47 PM – Realized shanking woman for money was bad idea, could have pursued meaningful relationship instead
6:50 PM – Hid the body of the only woman that might have ever loved me inside a storm drain, fled the scene
8:00 PM – Cried in my box while being laughed at by neighboring hookers and homeless
8:30 PM – Fell asleep, dreamed about waking up dead

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