Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Mama's Family Fan Fiction Volume 4: Let's Blow this Circus!

Back in the yard Bubba was fighting his robotic counterpart. Robo Bubba seemed to have the upper hand. Then all of a sudden Vint came flying around the corner in his station wagon, his slutty wife Naomi by his side. Vinton stuck his head outside the window and screamed, “Get out of the way Bubba!!!” Bubba escaped the grasp of robot Bubba and retreated backwards several feet. “This is for the lesbian robot women of Mars!” shouted Vinton. “Huh?” grunted Robot Bubba. BAM! Vinton’s station wagon plowed into the back of unsuspecting Robot Bubba. A bunch of sonic screeches came from the voice box of Robot Bubba as his metallic body was crushed by Vinton’s Firestone tires. “That’s one more down,” said Naomi. “And several more to go,” said Vint.

BAM! Robot Iola’s head exploded as a bullet ripped through her metal skull. “Arrgghh! What have you done to my daughters?” screamed Iola’s Mother. “It was an evil robot from Mars Mother! I’m you’re real daughter!” said Iola. “Why would you think there are two of us?” asked Iola. “Well a long time ago I had a…an…ABORTION! There were two of you Iola, you were twins. I didn’t have enough money for two children and since I couldn’t afford to give you both comfortable lives I decided to have one of you killed, but only because I love you!” said Iola’s Mother. “You Monster!!!” said Iola. Thelma, Iola, and Joey angrily left the house and met up with Vinton, Bubba, and Naomi in the yard. “Where do we go now?” asked Bubba. “We should head down to food circus and kill my robot before it sleeps with the manager again!” said Naomi. “Again?” said Vinton. “Never mind, let’s just get to the Food Circus, I just had a baby, I’m an annoying slut (yada yada yada)!” said Naomi. The Harpers and Iola jumped in the station wagon with the others. Joey Ramone stood atop the car, like a stone wall! Iola’s mother came running out of the house and tried to flag down the car. “I’m sorry!” she screamed. The station wagon sped off into the sunset as Joey Ramone sang “Beat on the Brat”!

The caravan of courage pulled up into the Food Circus parking lot. They all got out of the vehicle and walked through the automated glass doors. “There she is,” murmured Naomi as she spotted her robotic counterpart chatting up the manager. “What do we do?” asked Vint. “We kill that slut bot!” shouted Naomi. “Now that’s one thing you and me can agree on,” said Mama. The audience laughed as the gang hid behind a large display of 3-liter sodas and spied on Naomi Bot. “You know Mr. Manager I think there’s been a spill that needs cleaning up,” said Naomi Bot in a sexual tone. “Oh really, where at?” asked the manager in an even more sexual tone. “Aisle 69,” replied Naomi Bot in a very very sexual tone. “That’s it I’m gonna have to kill this one on my own,” said Naomi as she got out from behind the display. Naomi marched forward towards the robot. The manager sees her coming and shouts, “There are two of you!” Then the camera stays on him for a second as we hear a voice-over thought in his head, “Wait a minute, this could be pretty cool”. Then he gets all lusty eyed and the audience laughs really hard at the stupid greasy man. Naomi Bot turns around and Naomi screams, “My robot is pregnant!” as she notices a pooch in the belly. Then Naomi Bot goes freaking nuts and starts kicking and whaling her skinny arms at Naomi. Naomi gets knocked down and the family jumps out from hiding. The gang all attacks Naomi Bot. Vinton grabs the manager of the store by the throat and says, “So you wanna be inside my woman, huh?!?” The manager makes a funny face that makes the TV audience laugh then Vinton delivers a cool punch line. “Well today’s your lucky day,” says Vint as he slams the manager’s head through the chest of Naomi Bot. The robot made a loud squeal and then fell over. The gang gathered around the robot and the dead manager. “Ya think it’s dead Vint?” asked Bubba. “Maybe, we should poke it with a stick,” said Vint. Then all of a sudden Naomi Bot opened her eyes and yelled “Initiate self destruction!”

A loud tick began to emanate from the robot’s body. “It’s some kind of bomb!” yelled Thelma as she clarified the situation to the stupid audience. “Quick we got to get out of here!” yelled Naomi. Joey Ramone held up a note that said, “It’s no good the bomb is too powerful, there isn’t enough time to escape!” “I don’t want to die!” yelled Bubba. Then, a voice came from the automatic glass doors shouting “Don’t be afraid, none of you will die today!” Iola turned around and looked. “Mother?!?” she gasped. “I’m sorry about the abortion Iola, but today I will redeem myself. I am going to contain the bomb’s explosion so you don’t have to die!” said Mother. “But we don’t even know where the bomb is in her,” said Iola. Mother approached the robot and said “I do, it’s time for one last abortion before I go.” Mother punched the robotic pregnant stomach of Naomi Bot, penetrating her synthetic womb. Her hand emerged grasping a cold metal bomb. The ticker read 10 seconds. “Quick get everyone out of here!” shouted Bubba. A crowd of shoppers fled the building followed by the Harper bunch (plus Joey and Iola). “I’ll always love you Iola!” shouted Iola’s Mother as her daughter fled the building. Standing in the empty grocery store, Mother raised her head toward the heavens and shouted, “Let’s blow this circus!” BOOM!

“Will Mama, her family, and Joey Ramone be safe from the blast? Will you get to see Iola’s mother explode? Can the gang find and defeat the last and most powerful robot impostor, Mama Bot?!?! Find out in the final chapter of the Mama’s Family Fan Fiction!”

To Be Continued

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