Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Personal Survey

I decided to fill out an electronic Internet survey so that others may learn more about me and my works. This survey consists of questions created specifically for and by me. The answers given to the questions are neither truths nor lies, they are simply answers. This survey is most enjoyable when accompanied by a CD of Thompson Twins, a glass of Peach Nehi, and a small box of Dunkaroos.

The phone rings. Who do you want it to be?
A lawyer notifying me of an inheritance I recently received due to a deceased relative.

When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
I'm such a good shopper, sometimes I return stuff I didn't even buy at the store.

If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
I would need another person to delegate work too. I don't like to do things that are below me.

Do you like to ride horses?
I rode a horse one time in Nebraska, that's corn husker territory for all you kiddies. I read on my Internet that horse riding can arouse women sexually.

Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Yeah, and this guy named Kyle got 2 girls pregnant, TWO GIRLS!

Are you judgmental?
Only if the other person isn't an asshole.

If you had to choose, would you rather be deaf or blind?
None of those things matter in the dark anyways.

Are you continuing your education?
Yes, like little tree I will continue to grow and enlarge my root system.

What is your favorite children's book?
Any one where the monkey nearly chokes to death and the man in the big yellow hat has to give him mouth to mouth.

How tall are you?
Taller than my grandpa that's for sure. He's six feet under.

Where is your ideal house located?
Over the graves of deceased pagans.

Your cell phone ringtone?
I hate fancy ringtones. If I had one though it would be the sound of the emergency alert siren. That way every time I got a phone call, everyone around me would think they were about to die, and they would be temporarily reminded that their lives are devoid of any higher purpose.

When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
Several months ago, I feasted with 10 other women, no lie. IF I WERE LYING, WHY WOULD I BE TYPING SO CONFIDENTLY!

Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Why settle for one, when you could spend your whole life doing both.

Do you look like your mom or dad?
I got my mom's looks, and my dad's personality. One time my dad crapped on the roof of Moulton high school on a bet, I have yet to do something as equally cool but the night is young and so am I.

What movie do you want to see right now?
Any movie involving a large wheelchair bound kid getting sent to fight in Iraq.

What's outside of your window?
A world that surprisingly has not yet been blown to shenanigans by crazy Islamic fanatics.

What did you do for New Year's?
The internet, because my best friend was away with a pagan.

What was the cause of your last accident?
I don't know much about accidents, maybe you should ask my friend Kyle Nix about that. Hell, he was an accident.

What are you drinking?
White stuff that was pumped out of a cow's nipple by a tube.

Was your mom a cheerleader?
No, she had enough sense to not be an unwed teenage mother.

What's the last letter of your middle name?
E as in erogenous zone

Do you like care bears?
I hate caring for animals. If it can't be under my feet or in my belly, then forget about it.

Do you know how to play poker?
Yes, it involves bumping into women in the hallways from behind right?

Anything big ever happen in your hometown?
They've found a couple of dead bodies, and some meth labs but nothing major. One day I think it would be cool if some dude committed suicide by either jumping off or blowing up our water tower.

Do you like funny or serious people better?
I like people who are willing to tarnish their entire reputation, just for a cheap laugh from some dumbass 14 year old kid on the internet. Hey, that's me.

Do you use cuss words in other languages?
I say shiste sometimes. It sounds like Mexican for "shit" but it really means "quite".

What do you and your parents fight about the most?
Their unwillingness to accept the fact that I am the greater being.

Is your cell usually on vibrate or ring?
Only WHORES set it to vibrate.

Are you a gullible person?
No, but you are if you think I'm serious about what I write.

If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be?

No comments:

Post a Comment